the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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