Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
