I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
We left the knife in your bed.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
