the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
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