I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
