Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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