I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
