fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
