I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
