We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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