Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
