8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
