So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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