True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
