Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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