He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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