That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
be right there i have to get my cape
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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