dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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