Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I know her cup size but not her name....
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
