literally had 100 drinks last night.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
