Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
