did you get engaged???
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
