i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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