If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
