The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize