I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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