Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
