I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize