I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
