Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
