After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Do vagina's smell?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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