insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
