I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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