Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
