Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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