Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
