I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize