i don't like sucking hair
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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