A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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