I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
