I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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