just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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