Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize