I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
