Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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