She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
