so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
