Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
