i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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