The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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