This is not my ceiling
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
