Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
