i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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