The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
