we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
