I smell stomach acid.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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