you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Someone signed my nipple.
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