She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
