I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I can't trust your balls anymore.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
