Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
