I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
