Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
