I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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