something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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