the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
