I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
