I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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