You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
