i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize