i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
