I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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