I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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