I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
