He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
