I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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