1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
