people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
