i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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