i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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