i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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