HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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