I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
