your parents love me but you hate me
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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