You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
