the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I AM VODKA MAN
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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