hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
