I think i sorta joined a cult last night
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
