My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize