Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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