By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
