i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
